Hi. We are Kugelmass and you've found us. Or we've found you. Point is we're together, you know?

- What is Kugelmass?
Kugelmass is funny. Kugelmass is stories. It is essays. It is poetry. For essays and stories, Kugelmass is 1,000 words or 4,000 words or any count in between. Except 3,258. It can go to hell. For poetry, form and length are open.

- What do we like?
We like things that are funny. Think George Saunders and David Sedaris and Woody Allen and Jack Handey and Bill Bryson. We're also believers that funny can be sad and poignant and gritty and whimsical. We like when funny gets dark or ambiguously inappropriate. We give a damn but that doesn't mean we haven't broken as many hearts as we've mended. We like ugly truths and to be taken somewhere we've never been, somewhere we didn't know existed and for that place to speak to something larger about who we are and why we are. We like our funny to jerk us from a daze and dangle something extraordinary in our faces, something that was there all along, but we couldn't see it.

Oh yeah, and we like things to be funny. If your piece won't make a hilarious percentage of readers laugh, then we shan't have it.

- What do we not like?
While we’ll take a look at most anything, we tend to shy away from: Parody, fake news, gags, anything that relies too much on jokes, anything that is merely lite and/or amusing.

- Specifics

Stories/Essays

One story OR essay at a time. Length: 1,000 to 4,000 words.

Poetry

Funny poets should send 1-3 poems (send each poem as a separate submission).

Note: Poetry is ONLY accepted from March-August. Poetry submissions made Between September and February will be used as fuel to heat a virtual wood-burning stove.

The in-between

Kugelmass is seeking humor that blurs the lines of visual and literary art, poetry and prose, fiction and non. We’re not really sure what any of this means, other than we want to see humor in a form it has never been in. Surprise us.

Comics/Illustrations/Photos

• We are looking for comics and illustrations for the cover and inside pages. Art should be submitted in black and white. If we are interested in color we will contact you. Send up to three pieces for consideration.
• Photos: Only photos that illicit a comedic punch will be considered. Anything deemed remotely cute and/or charming will not be considered. The guidelines for written submissions apply here: We are looking for smart, funny work that grasps the absurdity and irony of a modern world.

General

• All submissions must be made via our online submission manager.
• Previously published work will not be considered at this moment. Or that one. Payment will be none for the foreseeable future.
• Simultaneous submissions are accepted but please do your damnedest to let us know if it accepted elsewhere.
• Response time is usually 2-4 months but can take slightly longer during certain parts of the year. Inquire if you must.
• Either one story, essay or batch of poems/art at a time, please. We know you are just swimming in amazing material, but c'mon.

OK? Click here to submit.