Kugelmass is currently on hiatus from issue production, as it comes to terms with a few ominous realities. In the meantime, we'll continue to publish some work on the web, just to, you know, keep it real.
This story also appears in Issue 4
College is massaging your eyebrows with the backs of your wrists in your dorm room with the lights out at 10:55 in the morning. Elbows on the notebook on the desk in front of you, Starbucks grande iced latte to your left, stack of short story anthologies to your right (Rick Moody, J.D. Salinger, Aimee Bender, others). Your Xbox is unplugged, you’re almost out of toothpaste, you haven’t done laundry in weeks. It will be harder to find fresh socks today than it was yesterday.
Mob-mythology just seemed so unappealingly macho, so solemn and self-important. The reverent way people talked about it made me roll my eyes. I figured I pretty much got the gist. What I didn’t know until I finally watched the whole series was that yes, it’s a great and possibly the greatest, but it’s also one of the funniest shows ever made.
I had abandoned hope, as well as my shirt, and turned to the teachings of The Vedas when I came upon The Eightfold Path. Its proprietor, a gentleman by the name of He Who Lies In Waiting In The Brambles, was opening a new facility across from the Denny’s on Veterans Parkway, offering Montessori-style instruction and, on Wednesdays, a complimentary continental breakfast consisting of found roughage and freeze-dried acai berries. Admission was rolling and contingent upon the clearance of a non-refundable, non-Traveler’s check in the amount of $250, made payable to CASH.
It's gotten to that point again, the point where the number of unread submissions demanding attention has become overwhelming for this small and humble staff. So we're going to stop the bleeding and shut down submissions until Fall. We WILL still accept reviews and visuals. Let us know if you find any of this completely unacceptable.
The following open mic announcements will be followed by an open mic.
Next week’s open mic will feature an open mic, and will also be preceded by an open mic and followed by an open mic.
There’s been some changes at the Friday open mic.
Dr. Funny is online and loving it. Breaking down the Internet's humor would be a lifetime task (and certainly not a Lifetime movie), one that Dr. Funny hopes to undertake as long as there is an Internet willing to print, er, post, er something written by him. He understands that he is merely writing for himself or perhaps a 42-year-old woman in Idaho. Onto the question:
Page 3: Swiss Mountaineer Cashmere Sweater
Remember the 1992 Swiss expedition to Mt. Everest? Got within 660 ft. of the summit, with a head full of Gin, no less. Yes, you are classic. Like our favorite sweater for thirty years running; soft but tough, current and timeless, stripped to the essentials. Everyone at the top of that mountain was missing the point, if you ask me.
If print is still your thing, which is cool with us, order that at the Issue 4 page or: